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From Be My Baby! by Michele Forsten CLAIR and SUSIE's house. CLAIR, SUSIE and RENEE are together in the living room. RENEE is about to meet ADAM for the first time. As lights come up, intercom rings. RENEE [jumps up and goes to intercom phone] Hello? ADAM'S VOICE Adam. RENEE Yes, come right on up! [CLAIR and SUSIE look at each other.] CLAIR She's answering our door. SUSIE Shh! RENEE [calls downstage to them] Sorry guys.  I'm a little nervous after that build-up. SUSIE [to Clair] It's a good thing this isn't happening in public. [She goes to answer door. ADAM enters. RENEE's jaw drops in amazement. She primps a little as she runs to CLAIR downstage.] RENEE [stage whisper] You didn't tell me he was a hunk! [ADAM and SUSIE kiss each other hello.] CLAIR A 'hunk'? RENEE Surely you've seen women salivating in his presence? CLAIR Shhh!  Behave yourself, I'm going to introduce you.  [ADAM approaches] Renee, this is Adam. Adam, Renee. [They shake hands. As CLAIR moves to SUSIE, RENEE begins to squirm and simper] [to SUSIE] Does she act like this every time she meets a man? SUSIE This is the worst I've ever seen her do it. ADAM I brought that spread, Susie, that you like so much. RENEE Ooo. What kind of spread did you bring? ADAM A tofu blend that tastes like duck paté. It's really tasty. CLAIR [to SUSIE] Sweetie, can you get the crackers? SUSIE What, and miss a minute of this? No way. RENEE Adam,  how about something to drink? What can I get you? ADAM Don't trouble yourself. I'm going to fix myself seltzer with lime. What can I get you? RENEE That sounds fine to me. CLAIR I'll bring out some popcorn as soon as I fire up the microwave. SUSIE And the hors d'oeuvres I made, please. ADAM I'll help you. [CLAIR and AdAM exit.] SUSIE I guess you like him. RENEE I can't believe you never told me how gorgeous he is.  I'm creaming in my designer jeans as we speak. SUSIE Then you might as well pull out the price tag. You won't be able to return them.  RENEE  [pushes SUSIE] Does he always follow Clair around like that? SUSIE He's just being his usual helpful self.  Listen, are you totally moved in yet? Are you happy you moved? RENEE What, what? SUSIE I said, 'Are you happy to be living in New York?' RENEE Oh, I guess. It seems noisier than I remember. I'm still not used to the sirens and the grinding garbage trucks all night long. And I stepped in dogshit twice today. Don't they have a pooper-scooper law here? SUSIE So except for that, you love it here, right? I don't have to worry about you taking off? RENEE I think I'm going to love it a lot more now. SUSIE Whoa! And they say lesbians are quick with the U-Haul. You don't even know if you like Adam as a person. RENEE As grandma used to say, 'What's not to like?' [CLAIR and ADAM come out, looking serious.] CLAIR Can we take a minute to discuss something? SUSIE What's the matter? ADAM Clair, let me explain. It'll be easier coming from me. SUSIE Uh-oh. CLAIR Okay. ADAM I just mentioned something to Clair in the kitchen. We want to involve you, Susie. [looks at RENEE] Uh...Maybe we should hold off. Renee's here and... SUSIE She's my sister. You can say anything you want in front of her. CLAIR Let's all sit down. [They all sit. RENEE's beeper goes off.] RENEE Shit. [looks at beeper. Everyone's looking at her. She shrugs sheepishly and picks up the phone.] I'll only be a minute. SUSIE Okay, kids, what's going on? [to ADAM] Is there a conference coming up on a tropical isle that you want to whisk Clair away to? Have you both decided to take up bungee jumping, or what? ADAM No. I offered to be the sperm donor for Clair's baby. RENEE [into phone] I'll have to call you back.  [slams phone down] SUSIE Sir Galahad to the rescue! Let me guess how you propose to deliver this gift. I know for sure that Clair's ovulating as we speak. I was right there when the last 'ping' happened. [She gets up and gives ADAM a shove and then leans against the wall fuming.] ADAM You know, Susie, I love you, but... SUSIE Fuck you, Adam. It's not enough that you have her every minute of the day at work...you have to horn in on our home life, too! CLAIR Susie...