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From Dinosaur Doc
by Michele Forsten
[Lights up on the doctor's waiting room. RECEPTIONIST at desk. PATIENT, wearing a power suit, walks up to her.]
RECEPTIONIST
Hello. You are...?
PATIENT
Hi. How are you? I'm Judy Feminista, here for a ten o'clock appointment with Doctor Bronte.
RECEPTIONIST
New patient?
PATIENT
Yes.
RECEPTIONIST
Fill this out, Ms. Feminista.
Doctor Bronte's Office....No, she's not a member of any HMO...The initial visit is $400…Just bill it to your credit card. She takes them all, including Diner's Card. We have a special deal
this month, if you use your Macy's card. For every hundred dollars you spend here, you'll get a $1 credit on your next Macy's purchase....Let me see. How about next Thursday at
three....Your name?... Daytime phone number?...See you then.
We've been getting more calls lately. I don't know what it is.
Domestic Partner? You see this, Ms. Feminista, it says 'check one.' Married. Single. Divorced. Widowed.
PATIENT
None apply. I'm not legally married and I'm not single. I wrote in what I am.
RECEPTIONIST
This isn't like the elections, where you can write in a candidate. Although I don't know why anyone would bother. Write-ins never win. All politicians are crooks and dirty old men anyway,
if you ask me.
PATIENT
I am registered in at City Hall as a domestic partner. That's my 'marital' status. You need to update your form to include it as a category. I can't believe how many doctors aren't
sensitive to this.
RECEPTIONIST
Domestic Partner? Why do we have to know that your partner is domestic and not foreign?
PATIENT
Huh?
RECEPTIONIST
There's domestic beer and there's foreign beer. What do I care what you drink? It's the same thing, right?
PATIENT
Are you for real? Companies, many large companies, offer domestic partnership benefits to their employees. They mostly include health insurance. People who aren't married to each
other—whether they're straight or gay—can be covered under each other's insurance.
RECEPTIONIST
We don't need to know that. So you have a business partner, a tennis partner, a partner in crime. Whatever partner you're referring to, we don't need to know about it.
PATIENT
Let's go back to the basics. Why do you need to know my marital status? You don't accept any health insurance, so you don't care whether I'm covered on someone else's plan or not.
RECEPTIONIST
Because it's on the form. Just like there's a space for your name. You wouldn't leave that blank, would you?
PATIENT
How logical!
RECEPTIONIST
Hmm...I see you also wrote 'domestic partner' under 'relationship to patient.' So this Pat McKenzie is your 'domestic partner.' Why don't you marry him? Things would be much simpler.
PATIENT
Pat is a woman.
RECEPTIONIST
Right. And I'm Eleanor Roosevelt.
PATIENT
What if I were covered under Pat's health plan? Wouldn't you need that
information?
RECEPTIONIST
You just said you're not legally married. Why bring in hypothetical situations? I have enough trouble dealing with what's real.
PATIENT
Because you are being homophobic. And that doesn't reflect well on Doctor Bronte. Her name must be short for Brontosaurus. And I don't trust my health to dinosaurs.
RECEPTIONIST
I can assure you that Doctor Bronte's credentials are impeccable. Why, she was listed among the top in her specialty in New York Magazine's rankings!
PATIENT
Wonderful. What was the category, Most Bigoted Physician? Goodbye!
RECEPTIONIST
My oh my! What a highstrung girl!
[takes out her nail file and briskly works on her nails]
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