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From
Ersatz Egg Salad
by Michele Forsten
[Lights up on
the lobby of a theatre. Two small circular café tables
with one chair at each. EVA enters with knapsack on her back
and paper bag filled with a sandwich and juice. She sits down.]
EVA
[opens
bag and takes out her food]
Nobody will ever mistake
me for a social butterfly. But I wish one of them had invited
me to dinner. I need the distraction.
[takes magazine
from knapsack and begins to eat and read. HELGA walks in with
a bag from a fast food place. She sits down at the other table.
She is wearing a plastic name tag. EVA looks up, their eyes
meet and both nod at each other.]
HELGA
Hello.
Beautiful day, isn’t it? The kind of day that makes one glad
to be alive.
EVA
Yes.
[She goes
back to reading]
HELGA
That egg
salad looks really delicious. I never thought of putting in diced
red pepper when I make it.
EVA
It’s
not real egg salad, it’s tofu mixed with mustard and mayo.
A little red pepper and scallions for color and flavor.
HELGA
Ah, ersatz
egg salad. You are from California, yes?
EVA
No, New
York.
HELGA
[bites into
hamburger, takes a french fry]
That was
going to be my second guess.
EVA
[stands up
to address the audience]
She sounds
German, but with something else mixed in. Maybe she’s not
German.
[to HELGA]
Where
are you from?
HELGA
Most recently,
Uruguay. I’ve been in the States since the fifties.
EVA
And before
that?
[to audience]
As if
I don’t know the answer.
HELGA
Berlin.
EVA
[to audience]
Just my
luck, to be sitting next to a Nazi.
[to HELGA]
What does your husband
do?
HELGA
He was
an engineer. He died five years ago.
EVA
Oh?
[to audience]
I’m
not going to say I’m sorry. He probably helped build Auschwitz
or another death camp.
HELGA
You know,
I have always wanted to visit New York. To see some musicals.
Is it still hard to get tickets to The Lion King?
EVA
Not anymore.
You should do it.
[to audience]
Too bad the Diary of
Anne Frank isn’t still playing.
HELGA
I have not been able
to afford it.
EVA
I thought your husband
was an engineer.
HELGA
He was, but we just
managed to get by. He wasn’t the corporate type so he had
his own business, manufacturing machine parts. I helped him and
also worked part-time in housekeeping at a hotel. I still work
at the hotel.
EVA
That’s good.
[HELGA looks
at her. Lights up really bright, illuminating a sign on
stage saying "Arbeit Macht Frei." Crowd sounds.]
HELGA
[stands up,
shouts and points]
Children and old people
to the left. Those who can work, to the right. You…
[points at EVA]
To the left. Mach schnell!
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