home

essays

plays

bio

links

contact

From Winning? by Michele Forsten Lights come up on SUSIE, her mother and grandma. They are sitting around a table, playing cards. GRANDMA So, have you met anyone yet? [SUSIE rubs her hand back and forth on her forehead in response.] No? You know, you're not getting any younger. I'm dead now ten years. You were getting older even then. [fiddles with her cards] Don't you want a real home, children? And why is that Annie always in your apartment? Doesn't she have a place to live? SUSIE It's our apartment, grandma. Remember? It's been our apartment for five years now. GRANDMA You're too generous. You'll never get a husband if you spend all your time with her. SUSIE Precisely the point. MOTHER And what's with the ring in your nose? Better you should have a ring on your finger. Right, ma? [As she says 'right, ma', SUSIE softly says the words in unison.] GRANDMA You know I can't hear you when you mumble. And straighten your shoulders, you're bent out of shape. SUSIE I like being bent. It's the way I am. GRANDMA Nothing that a good chiropractor can't cure. Your cousin Rachel, remember, she was almost on all fours. Now look at her. A doctor for a husband, three beautiful children and an extra house in the Hamptons. SUSIE Bubbie, stop it already! I told you 15 years ago that I was queer--remember? GRANDMA I thought you'd have outgrown that by now. We've come back to check up on you. MOTHER Remember, Susie, don't let boys take advantage of you. Kick them in the balls if they get fresh. It worked for me with that  guy who tried to attack me in my hallway. I showed him. You have to make them respect you. SUSIE Ma, give that a rest. You told it to me a million times when you were alive. It's up there as my favorite bedtime tale with grandma's story about how her whole family died in the Holocaust. No wonder I'm afraid to take chances—I'm either going to be violated from the rear or shoved into a box car. Or both at the same time! GRANDMA [hits her with the cards] Such a mouth on you. Your jokes offend me. And stop blaming us for your unhappiness already. That Annie. She's a bad influence. That girl has such a fahbissenah puhnem. Next to her, a prune looks like a plum.